The Power of Vulnerability
One of my best friends from high school, Denny, lost his battle with leukemia.
I vividly remember the days we spent hanging out in my room, listening to music (we were both huge REO Speedwagon fans), shooting Nerf hoops, and talking about life—mostly about girls at that age.
We were uncertain about what the future held but dreamed of achieving big things. Denny was always more confident than I was, and I often found myself looking to him for advice. He seemed to have life figured out.
At the time, I was grappling with my identity, torn between my Indian and American friends. I often put up a façade to hide insecurities about my name, skin color, and my parents’ accents. It was a challenging period but, in hindsight, a transformative one.
Spending time with my Indian friends gave me a newfound confidence (especially with girls), which shaped the person I am today. Denny often asked me about these “other” friends and why I kept them separate. Although he teased me, I knew he genuinely wanted to meet them.
With Denny, my insecurities melted away. He saw me for who I truly was—flaws and all—and still wanted to be my friend.
I recall a game we used to play while shooting hoops in my room. If I made a shot, so-and-so would like me. If Denny made his, the girl he wanted to ask to prom would say yes.
We were searching for “sure” answers to an endless list of questions and concerns. We didn’t realize it then, but we were sharing something incredibly valuable and rare in our society, especially as we grow older: vulnerability.
Our questions weren’t filtered or carefully worded to mask our inner struggles. They were our deepest fears, laid bare, and we shared them boldly with each other.
Vulnerability in Adulthood
Even now, I struggle with many questions:
- How do we raise good kids who care about the world and not just their next video game?
- How do we balance pushing our children to achieve their potential while allowing them to enjoy their childhood?
- How do we create a close-knit family amidst the chaos of competing activities and distractions?
For a few things, I suffer deeply:
- Am I on the path toward a meaningful life?
- What will I be remembered for when I am gone?
- Will I ever reach my full potential?
These questions weigh on me, but I’ve decided not to suffer in silence anymore. I’m done pretending to have all the answers. I’m done hiding my struggles.
For the longest time, I believed admitting weakness was a sign of failure. I worried that showing vulnerability would diminish my ability to lead or influence others. What kind of father, I wondered, would I be if I wasn’t a strong enforcer of the rules?
In my attempt to conceal my insecurities, I built a façade: assertive (sometimes aggressive), critical of opposing viewpoints, and more focused on being right than being effective.
Sure, I gave lip service to buzzwords like “teamwork” and “communication,” but I prioritized hiding my flaws over authentic leadership. As a result, I often steamrolled through life, oblivious to the damage I caused along the way.
The Universal Struggle
About a year ago, I came across a quote:
“Be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle.”
This struck a chord. As I began to observe the world around me, I saw the truth in it. Everyone, in their own way, is suffering.
- Some mask their pain with distractions like TV, alcohol, or gossip, avoiding the reality of unrealized potential.
- Others focus excessively on their child’s achievements, hiding their own insecurities.
- For some, it’s a battle with health that reshapes their priorities.
Whatever the cause, we all carry some form of pain. We feel uncomfortable in the present but anxious about the future. We struggle to control a changing external world while our internal selves remain unsettled.
This suffering is made worse by our reluctance to discuss or even acknowledge it.
The Gift of Connection
I am deeply grateful to have had a friend like Denny. Many of us have been fortunate to have such friends—those with whom we shared our deepest secrets, our wildest dreams, and countless laughs.
These friends touch our core, making life a little less lonely.
We need to reconnect with them and embrace the power of true connection. We need to remember:
- The power of showing who we really are.
- The power of admitting our fears.
- The power of vulnerability.
Let us choose to be kind to ourselves and each other, embracing the courage it takes to live authentically.
