How to Break Free from Stress and Anxiety in 3 Steps
”We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand”
-Randy Pausch
Stress and anxiety are a big part of our lives. Even when things are going well, we often find things to worry about. Our minds are hardwired to search for threats so we manufacture stress where there should be tranquility. Instead of distracting ourselves and trying to push away the inevitable stressful feelings (which doesn’t work), let’s look for a concise set of rules that will help us embrace and ultimately grow from these daily stressors. Here are 3 powerful steps, to be followed in order, when faced with an undesirable stimulus
APPRECIATE EVERYTHING
When life is going smoothly, it feels relatively easy to be thankful. We can count our blessings, jot down three good things each day, and cultivate gratitude—all of which are vital practices to avoid taking the positive aspects of life for granted. However, true appreciation involves more than just celebrating the good; it requires us to embrace and be thankful for the challenges too. This idea, encapsulated by the principle of Amor Fati—or “love of fate”—encourages us to go beyond merely enduring tough times and instead embrace them fully. While this mindset is powerful, it is far from easy to adopt.
The real challenge arises when we must find gratitude for the job that didn’t go as planned, the acceptance letter that never arrived, or the evening that took an unexpected turn. These moments test the depth of our grateful spirit. Learning to give thanks for the hardships—truly appreciating their presence in our lives and the lessons they offer—can be even more transformative than appreciating the good. This requires humility, openness, and a willingness to trust the Universe’s plan, even when it feels difficult. Yet, it is through this practice of gratitude for the “bad” that we discover profound growth and resilience.
ACT AS MY BEST SELF
Acting as your best self is like seeing the finish line but never quite getting there. It’s a constant quest for growth, an upward journey toward your full potential—climbing a mountain with no final peak. Your best self represents an ideal state: a fully developed character, embodying virtue in all your actions with compassion, kindness, perseverance, and quiet strength. It’s responding to life the way you know you should, treating others better than you’d like to be treated, and dedicating your time and energy to what truly matters. Striving for your best self means narrowing the gap between how we should live and how we currently are, inching closer to realizing our true potential.
When faced with challenges, asking, “How would my best self act?” can be transformative. Feeling overworked? Your best self focuses on gratitude for the opportunity to earn a living while helping others. Frustrated by the endless driving to kids’ activities? Your best self remembers that these moments are fleeting and cherishes them while they last. Spending all weekend at a baseball tournament? Your best self shifts perspective, seeing it as an opportunity to enjoy the games rather than an obligation. This mindset not only builds resilience but also deepens your connection to what’s most important in life.
ALLEVIATE SUFFERING
The final step in our quest for happiness is often overlooked but profoundly important: finding meaning in our lives. Many of us chase grand ambitions, hoping to make a significant impact or leave a lasting legacy. This pursuit often leads to a restless search for the “perfect” job that ignites our passion, leaving us unfulfilled in the process. But what if, instead of seeking work that aligns with our passion, we cultivated passion for the work we already do? Rather than looking for a grand cause to “make a difference,” we could focus on alleviating suffering in small, meaningful ways every day. True meaning—and happiness—often emerges as a byproduct of feeling useful, especially when we contribute to easing the burdens of those around us.
Opportunities to be useful abound in our daily lives. While it’s natural to prioritize alleviating the suffering of our loved ones, such as our children, we can also extend this compassion to others. Spending a few extra minutes with an anxious patient, genuinely listening to someone, or even practicing self-compassion can make a world of difference. Quieting our inner critic and reframing negative thoughts can help address our own suffering, enabling us to better support others. Since everyone faces struggles, we are continually presented with moments to lessen pain and bring comfort. These small, intentional acts of kindness are the moments that provide meaning to our lives—moments where we feel truly alive and connected.
These three steps offer a framework to help us thrive, not just survive, amidst the stress and daily struggles of life. When faced with a stressful situation—be it something not going as planned or anxiety over an uncertain future—it’s an opportunity to shift perspective.
Take a moment to appreciate what you have and embrace the lesson the universe may be teaching. Arrange the pieces you have with care and do your best to adapt. Most importantly, aim to reduce suffering wherever possible, starting with your own, to create a foundation for resilience and growth.
